I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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