I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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