we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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