well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
