I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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