you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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