i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
