he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
