one two three fourrrrnication!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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