Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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