hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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