I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize