Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
