Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
