so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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