the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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