Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
