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drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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