in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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