All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
