my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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