Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
two words: eviction party
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
