i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
