if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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