I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
