Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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