so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
