Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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