people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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