i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
