No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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