I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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