Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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