and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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