I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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