she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize