Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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