I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
