my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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