we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
