Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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