Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
