dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
