508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
