Having a random hookup so left but love u
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
