Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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