i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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