You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
