Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
