it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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