When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
