i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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