tell your sister to shave her snatch
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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