went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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