omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
