I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
