i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize