Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize