Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
