I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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