Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
