is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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