im holly from the hills drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
